never be afraid again

the following things have happened, in unreliable order:

1) I traveled halfway around the world, twice. While I was in India, there was a cyclone. It flooded the beach a day after we went there. Providence, or something. It also exploded something important in the area's electrical system, so the power went out for a while, but this is a regular occurrence and not worthy of worry. Or something. Also, India is not particularly made for closeted transpeople, which meant awkward questions about why I wore the same thing every day (the "same thing" meaning a t-shirt and pants, why didn't I ever wear, like, color? don't you want some fun in your wardrobe? also, you stick out like a sore thumb) and offers of flowers to put in your hair. They smelled devastatingly good, though. And I suppose "girls' outings" and discussions with grandparents about "your future husband" aren't particularly culture-specific, anyway. Whatever. I was quite impressed with the national newspaper, though; they seem very up-to-date and progressive about issues still being "debated" by Tea Partiers in the US.

And we can't be that different when the current viral pop song is this:
No, seriously. My cousins felt the need to bring me up to speed on this; I'm just passing on the favor. I'm sorely tempted to take this to my linguistics professors and have them analyze what fucking language this is. Because guess what? No, really, watch it once. Then take a guess what kolaveri (yeah, the only actual Tamil vocabulary in the song) means: murderous rage.

Yeah. Need a replay? Never want to hear it ever ever again? But it's art! Just look at how brilliantly unexpected that is! It makes my interpretation of the song radically different. Like, the one single powerful moment in a sea of predictability is that word. It makes the song (or the rest of the song is just fucking out of place, really, and is depending on kolaveri for meaning).

Never keep me away from the internet for this long, guys, I start taking this shit seriously.

2) ETA: oh, and also LJ fucked itself over. I read most of my flist on LJ, and am used to posting and then importing. A lot of people are moving primarily to DW now, but my flist - dwircle - on DW is too different from my flist on LJ to make that convenient - or I just fail at something technical, which is also possible. I may just have to customize LJ more.

3) I came out as trans to my sister. By email. asldfjl you guys. Her response? "Does this mean I can tell my friends I have a big brother now?" JUST SO YOU KNOW, I LOVE YOU.

4) I came out as trans to the rest of my family. I was really OCD about how and when to say it, which is never fun because when I don't get to go through with my plan I think everything is ruined and nothing can ever be just right again. I kid, but...I really don't. Whatever. It happened, I may not ever get the ~ideal reaction I could have gotten if I said it at just the right moment but just because it didn't have the full effect doesn't mean they hate me forever. I'll just - have to deal with my own emotional issues. Because my parents are supportive - or supportive people, anyway - and I can't expect them to know all the terminology and experiencial bits and pieces about being trans that I'm used to. "You don't have to experience dysphoria" is something I can respond to, as long as they're still on my side at the DMV. The whole still referring to me with female pronouns and female-specific relationship words thing is...not actually as jarring in itself as the perception that they don't even seem to have thought about it or recognize it might be a problem, but. That's what I was afraid of, and I need to stop blaming myself for not coming out right and start responding as if I did.

And I'm sorry y'all needed to hear my pep talk. /o\

5) I cut my hair. I now look like a stereotypical butch lesbian in a lot of ways (I can't imagine how many problems there are with saying that's one identity with one way of presenting, but that is pretty much the only way I've heard that look described) but I knew that would happen, and I don't care that much because short hair omg I don't even need a separate towel to dry it and that is enough for now.

6) I went to the DMV to get a state ID, because I still can't really drive /o\ and I don't have any other proof of address, and my mom thought I should do that while I'm here. Filled out the form, got to the gender tickybox, sighed. This is why I didn't want to do this, mom. "Why not just tick the M box?" "...because you need a doctor's note." "So if they ask, we'll change it. It's worth a try, right?" ...so I did. And they took it and didn't even say anything. \o? In her words, "this is California." But who knows if they'll call back later and complain about errors in processing, so. Tentative victory, anyway. (I was fucking shaking.)

7) And now, what this post is really an excuse for (mostly): ~great storytelling on twitter! Which was perhaps in honor of More Joy Day before I even realized it was More Joy Day, because serendipity. Or, I asked for something, and then bohemeyourself joined in, and this happened, and what could possibly bring more joy?

@amisophe: dear internet, where is the fic where the first time brendon pulls ian's hair and sees his ~reaction he's like "oh! must use on stage!" and he's not much more thoughtful than that,

but it ends up Ian can't handle how bden's all casual about it, because it feels ~clinical even though it's not quite, and it's getting him all wound up and angsty and lonely and eventually he has to confront bden and be like "dude you gotta stop this thing"

and bden's like "wait what you should have said if it bothered you! okay! I'll just...spend more time in dallon's stage-space to make up for it?" and then ian starts missing it. he didn't know how comforting that touch was until he lost it, okay

but now what can he possibly say? "actually I want you to touch me and pull my hair" sounds a lot weirder than "don't touch me." it sounds like an admission. but he can't just keep saying nothing, it's killing him. but saying anything would make it weird. so.

and then resolution! I don't know what the resolution is, okay, it's a ~dilemma. but there should be one.

( the rest, because eventually this should be written. by everyone )

so I was visiting my family during the days most people were doing the bandom voice meme, and then I figured people were done with it, but then la_dissonance did it and I was like \o/

so I talked a lot. YOU MUST FORGIVE ME FOR I'VE NEVER VOICE POSTED BEFORE AND IT WAS FUN AND EXCITING.

bandom voice meme by amisophe

the questions!

1. What's your username and is there a story behind it?
2. Where are you from and where do you live now?
3. What are you wearing? Yes, I am hitting on you.
4. How long have you been in bandom? How did you get into it?
5. Which bands are your favorites?
6. Which band members are your favorites?
7. Have you seen any of them in concert? Any fun stories or memories to share?
8. Do you have an OTP? What is it, and why do you love it?
9. What story do you wish someone would write?
10. Are you working on something for bandom right now? Tell us a little bit about it.
11. You've got fic open somewhere on your computer right now, don't lie. So go to one of your open tabs or word documents or whatever, and read us a couple of lines.
12. Say these words: Iero, haberdashery, LOLcat, flist, dirigible, halcyon, nemesis, ephemeral, languorous

so. I'm not sure what to contribute in honor of this. Y'all really don't need to hear me angst - I'm an emo kid. When I angst, I go all out. But there is not nearly enough awareness of what it means to be trans, and not nearly enough resources out there to help people in a world not designed so gender's not a big deal.

I mean, I can do the usual informative thing, gender is a spectrum, there are people who feel male and people who feel female, people who feel in between or both or neither or something else, people for whom getting dressed in the morning, using the bathroom, walking down the street, having a conversation, getting a haircut is a struggle. It shouldn't be, but it is, and anything you can do to help is appreciated. Things like not making assumptions about people's gender, using singular "they" when possible - sometimes, all it takes is knowing someone cares enough to ask if you're comfortable with certain pronouns to make someone not feel alone. If you have trans friends, one of the best things you can do is just keeping that something you're comfortable talking about. You talking about it can help them to open up, and keeping gender a running dialogue helps them feel like they have someone to turn to if (when) they have issues dealing with the world.

But I think you all know About Transpeople and How to Acknowledge Them already, and the only thing I can think of that no one else could do is talk about me. I'm good at talking about me, and I've been meaning to update my Gender Issues as Expressed to the Blogosphere anyway, and it makes me feel better if I can say I'm doing the world a service by discussing less-understood, less-binary gender issues. So whatever.

I wrote this way back when. See, I'm practically half done already!

That was written about nine months ago, and it’s still completely true.

But it’s also true that every time I walk down the street, I’m constantly aware of the way my shirt falls, the way I walk, the expression on my face, my involuntary smile and the softness of my voice; that I ache for the wind to whip through my hair and my clothes and the freedom of a guy on a skateboard or running or sitting on a couch and laughing or playing Rock Band.

It’s also true that I’ve spent so long now focusing on singing low notes that I may have fucked up my range forever, yet I’m irrationally proud of the few notes lower than “normal” I’ve got out of it; that I revel in the force and emotion that comes through when I can sing a song that means so much to me as close to the original as possible for a non-singer, yet I feel like I’ll never be “good enough” because it doesn’t come effortlessly.

And I’m not sure where I stand anymore. All I can say is “somewhere from androgynous to FTM on the trans spectrum,” and I want to know where, so that I can do something about it. Because I’m tired, I’m so fucking tired of waking up in the morning and shaking my hair out until it looks right, and doubling up on undershirts and adjusting them until it looks right, and fixing my step every other minute until it looks right and it never looks right. And what’s the looks without the freedom, anyway?

So there's some insight into the world of a transperson. Here's some more, actually, since I discovered that kanata put the effort into making an entire delicious reclist of trans-related fic. Because no one's experience is quite the same, and the more awareness there is of that diversity, the more people get to live the way they want.

I have finally seen Rocky Horror. For the first time. Live.

Seriously, what the fuck was that?

Whatever it was, it was a hell of a lot of fun. I'm not sure I can say it better than the director's note, though:

"While I was living in London in the early 70's, I saw one of the very first stage productions of "The Rocky Horror Show" at a renovated movie theatre in Chelsea, at least two years before the iconic movie was released. I loved it! It had tremendous vitality, a very current rock score, and was dangerous and fun at the same time. "Glam rock" had hit London in a big way. I recall there was a huge color photo of David Bowie as his Ziggy Stardust persona, perhaps 30 feet high, looking down on Piccadilly Circus. Queen was starting to light up the charts. Lou Reed was daring us to "take a walk on the wild side." And the kids were beginning to adapt their dress from the Carnaby "mod" look of the late 60's to the androgynous, transsexual look of the times. The "straight" world of the 50's and early 60's was long gone, but the strangeness and silliness of those awful atom bomb mutant monster flicks of the period remained.

"Rocky" was a huge hit on the stage, so it was not surprising that a film would soon follow. It did, and flopped. The studio pulled distribution and put the film on the shelf until some enterprising PR folks from Twentieth Century Fox decided to re-release it for midnight showings. And that's when it happened! This movie, initially rejected by critics and audiences alike, began to take on cult status. A studio investment of a little over a million dollars gradually began to earn at least 40 times that amount. Rituals developed around the film. There was the dress, the talk-back, the dances, the rice, the toast, the water guns, the newspapers, etc, etc. If you want the full picture, check Google and Youtube. You'll be overwhelmed.

The show you're seeing is closer to the original than the film, although those of you who know the movie will see lots of references to it. We're using one of the earliest versions of the script and score available. We want to try to capture some of that original vitality and playfulness that made "Rocky" onstage so much fun.

I think this is a great vehicle for the theatre students involved. The performers can't kid the show too much, because it's already a parody. They can't be too serious or reverential either. After all, Riff-Raff, for example, is an alien masquerading as a butler who is the body snatcher henchman of a mad doctor who is also a sex-crazed alien. So the singers/actors/dancers are working hard to find just the rights "style" for what they're doing onstage to make the world of our "Rocky" real on its own terms. And the design and technology students, along with our wonderful professional design and technology team, are trying to create this alien world as spectacularly as possible.

Ultimately it's all for you, dear audience. So "come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab" with us. Enjoy!"

My own notes would be far less organized, but let me just say:

1) Riff-Raff, along with Magenta, made for enough adorable to actually take my eyes off Dr. Frank-N-Furter. That was some great casting - although now I have to watch the actual movie and see how they compare.

2) The sets were spectacular. I am so impressed and I want that lab.

3) I do, of course, have thinky thoughts - apparently those won't stop except for concerts and scening. I'm not sure I can express them right now, because show, but I will try:

a) I'm not sure my discomfort with the usage of "transsexual" as equivalent to "crossdressing" is warranted, because culture and terminology have changed since then and also since when are you supposed to take Rocky Horror seriously, but still.

b) Why is gender rebellion always depicted as men acting dangerously feminine? It's like everyone knows this will titillate crowds much more than the reverse, because as long as you give a man the trappings of beauty (femaleness) you can get away with objectifying them. (Okay, so Brad made a very charming woman. Maybe because he was all demure when surrounded by promiscuity or something. Again, great casting.) But really, it's almost a mockery of itself sometimes.

c) I know this is like an iconic film for pushing society's sexuality!boundaries, but sometimes I can't help but think this dangerous edginess actually just plays into and reinforces stereotypes. (Of course, maybe the stereotype obviousness is because parody.) But if you do, as I am apparently wont to do, take parodies too seriously, then the storyline could essentially be interpreted as "conventional sweet innocent pure straight couple get thrown into inhibitionless queerland, where their innocence is taken and destroyed by nonconforming sex-crazed transvestite and his band of merry hypnotized fools. Luckily, their relationship is mended and they find love once again when the unnatural non-gender-conforming sex-positives (who are obviously just orgy-obsessed) are destroyed and sent away from Planet Human and Qualmless Mastermind gets what was coming. Moral: sexual degenerates have no souls. Don't let them ruin your blissfully ignorant happy family."

Of course, maybe it was the point to be so obvious about said ridiculous plot because parody. I'm good at benefit of the doubt.

at the disco. and Patrick Stump! 10/16 concert writeup.

Yes, this is from a week ago. This week killed me. Midterms and such. Sorry.

right, attempting chronological order as usual because it's the only way to organize my flail:

I meant to get to the venue in the morning, because of course this would draw a crowd, except I went to sleep around 4 that morning and woke up at almost noon and kicked myself a lot, then went around in a frenzy and managed to get there around 1:30. This was the first time I was going to a concert with someone, which was exciting, except she had class (on Sunday, yes) so I went early and she joined me around 6:30, catching one of the last buses. Damn but the public transportation here sucks.

There were already some 30 people in line, and I took a place and worried for a while about whether I'd get to the front. Then I asked my line-neighbors to remember me and wandered up til I encountered someone I recognized, and hung out there for a bit. I ended up with a bunch of meet-and-greet people (you get one if you're in Northern Downpour! I didn't know this! Rich people) and just stayed there, occasionally adding to the conversation, until around 4:30 Zack came out to get them.

(He's scary, you guys. He does a really good job of pretending he could kill you with a look. I was trying not to crack up and it actually wasn't that hard.)

At some point they opened the little bar-place and went around inviting over-21s to go in. I thought it was unfair when the doors finally opened and the people in the bar formed a separate line - even if they were in the back of the line they could go in earlier! I call flawed system! (They also separate boys and girls, which has plenty of problems, but I was seriously considering surreptitiously joining the boys' line for convenience. Except I didn't think I could pass well enough at the moment.)

In any case, when we got in there were already a lot of people. I had a moment of panic and then determinedly found a place where I could manage to get to about second-row, grace of me being tiny. Then it turned out Foxy Shazam couldn't play because their bus broke down. This was sad, because they really do put on a crazy live show. However, Patrick Stump came on instead, and Patrick! I never got to see him live during FOB so this was the first time I was that close to him and god, but he has such a stage presence now. Also, his keyboardist has a hair thing. It's hard to describe, but it's like a tassel. Seriously. (After the show, we ended up finding a little NY-atmospheric pizza place to get something to drink, and we ran into him at the door. I said hi, when I found my tongue.)

Most amusing things, though: Patrick's dancing (he's into it okay) (and also he has black fingerless gloves: this is significant) and his bassist. I have a newfound love for Matt Rubano (who used to play for Taking Back Sunday). You can't watch him play and not smile. He brings you into it, grins like it's an inside joke, and plays a six-string bass without a pick. And then this crazy guitar-keyboard hybrid. He's just so much fun.

Also, Patrick covered Phil Collins (In The Air Tonight) behind the drums and did the armwaving thing. It was awesome.

There was a lot of pushing (it was really insane, although after having seen the Misfits I hesitate to call anything a mosh pit) and I managed to get an hand on the rail after I realized there was a space where people were just holding on, and soon enough I got barricade \o/ (the person next to me turned and said "I'm so glad you got to the front, cause I saw you and you're tiny" and I said "thanks." I meant it.)

This means I had barricade during Panic! And I was right in front of Dallon. As in right in front. This was flail-worthy, especially considering how he engages the audience and is pretty and the fact that I could see everything. Although I would have loved to be closer to Ian, because I have such a soft spot for him. He came closer and he and Dallon played guitar at each other a few times with mad grins on their faces.

Also noteworthy: Spencer's :D face, oh my god. It is glorious. His smile lights up the whole room and he was not stingy about it. <333

Brendon's voice really is amazing live. I was thinking he must have recovered from his not!malaria except at one point he tried to say something and his voice broke, and Dallon took over: "can we get a round of applause for this young man for singing through his sickness?" And then Brendon says "I'll stop when I'm dead." Oh, Brendon.

For Always, he made a little speech about how he loves the audience and we keep him going and then dedicated the song to us, and it was all quiet and hushed because it was just him and his guitar and dimmed lights and everything felt closer.

Oh, and for the cover they've been letting the fans vote for, the chosen song was Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People, and Brendon said he'd tried learning the words earlier that day and "that didn't happen," so he printed out the lyrics :D except he couldn't find the lyrics. So he said, "Zack, you're fired (no, I'm fired)," they started the song, and then he got the lyrics. It was adorable.

They also played New Perspective (which started out as Let's Get It On, logically), and Brendon dedicated I Believe in a Thing Called Love to the Foxy Shazam guys, and they did the little introducing-each-other thing (Brendon and Dallon were totally taking shots at each other the entire show) and then. And then! Beginning of Nearly Witches, Brendon walks up behind Ian and grabs his hair, no warning, and Ian just goes. I just. When I go to concerts, I try to go just for the music, but I know they do this and I was kind of waiting for it and I swear they must know it makes my knees go weak and my toes curl and my eyes unfocus. I swear they do it on purpose. And I really really wish someone would put it on youtube already, but at least I've got it stuck vividly in my head. Jesus.

Oh, and at some point Dallon pointed out that something on the balcony looked like the Pope from the right angle. Brendon immediately decided to "apologize for swearing, but you have to forgive me. Fucking forgive me!"

Anyway. Guess what there is video of? Patrick Stump coming out in front after the show and leading a Where Is Your Boy Tonight singalong. Yeah. Why did I have to miss that?


Oh, Patrick.

setlist:

Ready to Go
But It's Better If You Do
Ballad of Mona Lisa
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
Trade Mistakes
Camisado
Hurricane
  a bit of Personal Jesus (Depeche Mode)
The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage
Let's Kill Tonight (during which everyone played the drums!)
Always (acoustic)
Nine In The Afternoon
That Green Gentleman
Memories (this whole section seems to be nostalgia city, doesn't it)
  Let's Get It On
New Perspective
Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People (here for the charming hilarity: he's "gonna fake it." I was just a bit to the right)
I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Time to Dance
I Believe in a Thing Called Love
Nearly Witches

and here, I made a playlist for concert-reliving!

Reposting because this is unbelievably extreme. Also this, which fortunately it has been determined that, worst case scenario, Obama will veto.

Originally posted by gabrielleabelleat Mississippi Personhood Amendment

#69: Bones by Little Big Town
I first got this song from this fanmix, where it was incredibly appropriate. Even independently, though, it’s an incredible song. I love the harmonies and the final bit on “waiting for the sun to go down” is probably my favorite thing. It’s just so fun. The whole song has this supernatural midnight atmosphere, to me, whether because of the context in which I first listened to it or just the lyrics themselves. Probably both.

#70: Ana’s Song (Open Fire) by silverchair (live from Across the Great Divide, 2007, originally from Neon Ballroom, 1999)
I really love this performance of this song, for the reasons detailed in the youtube comments…you can tell how this song must affect him, and yet he takes something as terrifying as his experience with anorexia and comes out of it to make something as beautiful as this, and the human connection - just “you can sing along.” Oh. “So beautiful.”

#71: Adam’s Song by Blink-182 (Enema of the State, 1999)
This is one of those songs that should be kept on hand to listen to when you’re down. It’s just amazing the way it comes from a suicidal perspective, completely hopeless, and then in the end turns the whole thing around with such a simple message. Because sometimes the truth is that unexpectedly simple yet profound, in the same way life is full of simple things yet profound.

#72: G.I.N.A.S.F.S. by Fall Out Boy (B-side from This Ain’t A Scene, It’s an Arms Race, single from Infinity on High, 2007)
(Yeah, it makes sense that I’d have to go into detail long enough to be a FOB song title.) But in any case, I was on a roll with the last two music recs (Ana’s Song and Adam’s Song? okay) and I was going to look for another song to keep the pattern but then Pete Wentz had to go name a song Gay Is Not A Synonym For Shitty. Yeah.

#73: Our Lady of Sorrows by My Chemical Romance (I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love, 2002)
This song means so much to me because of how it makes me feel, every time I hear it, like they’re speaking to me: “take my hand and never be afraid again.” I feel incredibly honored to have actually seen it live, to have been there and heard it actually directed at me. I’m so thankful I could cry, because that’s what this song’s done for me.

#74: Grand by Matt & Kim (Matt & Kim, 2006)
This song was really hard to find a non-live version of, but I saw it live and it was pretty incredible. There’s just so much energy in this song, and especially under the conditions I saw it - dark, windy, rainy - it’s just atmospheric.

#75: Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s (All That We Needed, 2005)
After looking this song up, I realize a lot of people have probably heard it before. I suppose that’s a testament to how under-a-rock I really lived for most of my life, in case you needed proof - I hadn’t heard this song until not too long ago when my roommate was playing it. So to me, it was fresh and it stuck, because this song strikes me as timeless. This is the song of everyone who’s ever been in love, never been in love, wanted to pay the bills with this guitar, stood on a street corner in ragged clothes, seen the sunset through the rain and wanted to live.

#62: Front Row by Metric (Fantasies, 2009)
This song has been stuck in my head all day. I just really like the atmosphere it induces, with the always-looking-up chorus and the undertone of hopelessness and obsession in the condensed lyrics, the rhythms and instrumentals running into each other seamlessly.

#63: Mosh n’ Church by the Used (bonus track demo from Artwork, 2009)
The lyrics to this song are absolutely brilliant, and I love what happens with the chorus. No idea why they didn’t put this song on the album, but at least it’s out there.

#64: I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie (Plans, 2005)
You’ve probably heard this song before. But it’s one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard with such a simple but powerful meaning.

#65: 25 Steps by the Indecent (Her Screwed Up Head, 2010)
The Indecent is a band that may be under the radar, but you should really check out because their music is amazing. They’re younger than me and have been playing since the age of 8, although the band officially started in 2008 when their members were all 15-16. But the thing is, it’s not even their youth that makes this band noteworthy, nor the female vocalist (although her style is one I love) - it’s the talent and art and attitude going into their music, the unique sound that calls to you to listen.

#66: Trying to Escape the Inevitable by Pencey Prep (Trying to Escape the Inevitable demo, 2000)
This is an awesome song by a band that not a lot of people know about unless they’re MCR fans, since Frank Iero was the singer. (That’s a plus in itself: Frank Iero was the singer! :D) But they should, is the point. They have a clear musical identity independent of that - just listen to the song, it’ll hit you with its lyrics and creativity and emotion.

#67: Closer to the Edge by 30 Seconds to Mars (This is War, 2010)
One of the most beautiful music videos I’ve ever seen - this really brings home the power and meaning of music, the feeling it can bring you and the connection and sense of life. Some people pray, I turn up the radio. Forever amen.

#68: The Cave by Mumford and Sons (Sigh No More, 2009)
Probably my favorite song by them. I was shocked and appalled when I realized I hadn’t recced it yet. It’s about pushing past the hardships life throws at you and the pain of your own insecurities to hold onto hope and love and freedom.

Originally posted by darkspirited1at SIGNAL BOOST: SAY YES TO GAY YA
This is fucking unbelievable.

Okay, it's not really. It just shows how the trend of finding gay relationships somehow not equal to straight ones, of seeing gay romances as defined by homosexuality as opposed to straight ones being romantic and part of life experience, of seeing gay sexuality as inappropriate for young people when straight sexuality isn't, hurts those young people most. After all, it's LGBT* youth who most need something they can identify with in a world where a straight kid can grow up surrounded by affirmations and assumptions consistent with their experience, but sexual minority youth have to find them elsewhere.

#48: Capital M-E by Taking Back Sunday (New Again, 2009)
The first time I heard this song, all I could think was Snape. (Once you've been in a fandom, it never goes away. /o\) But every time I listened to it after that, I heard more. And it became more and more relevant to my life.

all I ever did was look up to you / and if all I ever did was let you, let you down / ain’t nothing stopping me now

is just a perfect expression of the disillusionment and freedom of growing up and leaving home, for me.

#49: Troublemaker by Weezer (Weezer (The Red Album), 2008)
This song shows a lot of what I like about Weezer - they have a balance between self-deprecation and defiance, sarcasm and sincerity that’s really hard to get, and they do it perfectly.

#50: Everybody Get Dangerous by Weezer (Weezer (The Red Album), 2008)
This one’s about being young and reckless - somehow, it manages to capture that feeling of edginess, the seriousness of its consequences, and the absurdity of thinking that kids actually think they’re invincible and don’t care, all at once. Again, why I love Weezer.

#51: Imaginary Enemy by Circa Survive (Blue Sky Noise, 2010)
His voice really works with this song, and I love the lyrics and concept. It’s the one that sticks in my head most from this album.

#52: Japs and English by Jez Lowe and Jake Walton (Two a Roue, 1986)
A longtime favorite of mine. Two a Roue was a collaborative album of Celtic folk music, and every song on it is brilliant. I love the voice, the instrumentation, the style, the lyricism. But this song is one of the most serious. It refers to Japs and English, an English version of the game Americans might know as Cowboys and Indians, and it talks about the relationship between children playing that game and countries going to war.

#53: Lives in the Balance by Jackson Browne (Lives in the Balance, 1986)
There are two versions of this song. Only one of them seems to be on youtube; this is the other one (the one I heard first, and learned the song from). I remember my father showing me this song in…probably 2006? and being amazed at the fact that a song that sounded like it was written about the current political climate was actually from 1986. People not learning from history, and all that. It’s a beautiful song about an ugly world.

#54: Hayley by Empires (Howl, 2008)
So I really love Empires. Their music is amazing and it’s really unbelievable to me how relatively unknown they still are - they started out putting their music online for free download, and it’s still here and worth so much more. This song is a bit different from their usual style, more mellow and ballad-like, and I guess that’s what it is - listen to the lyrics and let the story hit you hard.

youtube playlist! :D